Monday, January 5, 2009

Greek for Dummies

Greek for Dummies
‘Sau’Crates: A binging champion who found enlightenment after his 100th crate of wine when he saw Lord Bud the Wiser, hence named himself Saucrates or ‘100’ crates. Spawned a host of other philosophers who followed in his footsteps, which was easy since there was a wine bottle next to each one of them
Plate-O: Student of Saucrates, invented the circular plate. He was never able to reach the heights of his teacher but however left his impression for centuries to come when he sat on the wet parthenon concrete.
A wristbottle: The youngest student of Plate-O, he would carry a water bottle on his wrist when he attended classes. Even though in later life he stopped the practice, the name stuck. He was the first to propose that animals have social classes, an early symptom of a fractured psyche.
‘Zee’Us: The drunk exhibitionist of Greece, he was very popular with the people of his age. He would imagine himself in various forms during his drunken revelries. Contributor to more than 75% of the current Greek gene pool.
Pussydon: He was editor of ‘Sheesh’, the teen magazine. Often referring to himself as Lord of the Sheesh, he commanded a lot of respect in social circles and was the reference for latest trends in fashion. Pussydon was brother of ‘Zee’Us and Hanes.
Hanes: He was the Lord of the Underpants. Responsible for revolutionary designs in Underpants he started the X and Y front designs.
Homo’er: The hesitating gay poet who wrote and rode in epic proportions. Introduced mankind to bestialism in his writings when a bunch of men sprung out of a horse.
Ikearush: The swedish exchange student in Alexandria, he was son of DearDallas the american contractor. He died trying to ascertain the melting height of wax.
Helen: The sluttiest broad in the Medittereanean, was the calender model for the port of Athens where a thousand ships were launched in all.
A’chillies: The hottest young gigolo of Greece, he had a disturbed childhood when his mother dipped him in sticks. The scars he suffered left him red for the rest of his like hence the nickname.
Minuter: The fearsome flea who lived in the centre of the Lavarinth, the public toilet till he was flushed out of his lair by Faeceus. The Minuter was responsible for a large number of deaths in Greece when he sent out his minions to infest people.
AtHen: She was the patron saint of the poultry farmers,believed to be the daughter of ‘Zee’Us she had a temple constructed for her. This temple is believed to be the progenitor for modern day dairy farms.
Afro-diet: Noted black dietician and prominent human rights activist. She launched a massive campaign for black rights when she was thrown from Uranus into the sea by Cronies.
Herr Coolies: The German hippy godfather. He is said to have smoked twelve different varieties of Weed, a feat now known as The Twelve Weeds of Herr Coolies. A direct descendant of ‘Zee’Us, Herr Coolies is said to have been the inventor of the morphine.
Feel free to add your own characters in the comments.


  1. Hilarious!

    Paris: As the name suggests, he was the capital of France. He couldn't keep his Eiffel Tower down after meeting Helen, who went on to become his fond Louvre. He was known to be in Seine, especially when passing judgements.
    Idi-pus: Dictator of Greece-annexed-Uganda and a sore to the kingdom. He later on had a 'complex' relationship with an Austrian Fraud. A silent killer, Idi-pus was, who finally broke his silence when someone told him he was keeping mum.
    Uselessis: The Greek who led a boring life with just one wife and ended up in the title of a half-understood 20th century novel.
    A Polo: His standard pick-up line: 'I'm a mint with a hole, and so are you, baby'. And thus did he net a harem with a diversity of such breadth that is matched only by Zeus.

  2. An edit:
    Last line for Paris goes 'He was known to be in Seine, especially in striptease sessions.